Things I HG Character am Not Allowed To Do
by TotalZayaGirl14
Summary: Formerly known as 'Things I Plutarch Heavensbee am Not Allowed To Do'  Dr. Aurelius's life was always pretty busy with being a Psychiatrist and all, but it's about to get a heck of a lot busier! Join Katniss, Peeta, Finnick, and the rest of the gang to find out what exactly they are NOT allowed to do.
1. Plutarch Heavensbee

**Author's Note: So, the original story of this was reported by the Critics United for not abiding by the site rules by being in list format. So I give you the new and improved drabble format! Basically how the lists came to be!:) I hope you enjoy!**

Dr. Aurelius sat at his desk in his office waiting tiredly for his next appointment.

You see, he was a Psychiatrist who helped certain people with their many "issues". (Issues would be the understatement for some of the people in Panem)

As he glanced down at his appointment calendar he groaned at who would be coming in next.

Plutarch Heavensbee.

Oh Plutarch, Plutarch, Plutarch. There weren't many words to describe him and the things he did. Not many people actually understood why he did them…Plutarch has always been kind of a strange man.

"Dr. Aurelius, your appointment is here." said Helga the dull receptionist.

Dr. Aurelius braced himself for the thing that was about to come walking straight through that door.

He gulped. "Send him in."

Almost instantly Plutarch himself burst straight through the door with his headphones in with blaring music coming out of them. Even more disturbingly, Plutarch was singing along with the music.

"Plutarch." The Dr. said calmly. No reply.

"Plutarch." He tried again. No luck.

Finally he'd had enough. "Plutarch!" he yelled.

It finally dawned on the head gamemaker that the doctor was trying to get his attention. He quickly removed the headphones and plopped down in a chair, waiting for the doctor to speak.

"Now, Plutarch. Do you know why you are here?" asked Dr. Aurelius.

In response, Plutarch looked down at his feet and slowly nodded his head.

"You are here, because it has been reported you have been doing some strange and unreasonable things lately. Now, did you bring what you were asked to prepare?"

In response, Plutarch took out a notebook with _Things I Plutarch Heavensbee am Not Allowed to Do _written on it with crayon. Below was a surprisingly long list.

"Good. Now please read to me what you came up with."

Plutarch cleared his throat and began to read. "Things I Plutarch Heavensbee am Not Allowed To Do. Number one, Signing Haymitch up for alcoholics anonymous as a joke will not make him or anybody else laugh, nor will it help him in any way."

"Very good! Please continue." said the doctor.

"Number two. Asking Katniss whether she is Team Peeta or Team Gale will only earn me an arrow whizzing past my face." said Plutarch.

"Is that why you have the band aid-"

"Yes." Plutarch interups with a warning look in his eye as if to say "Don't ever make that mistake."

"Very well. Please continue."

"Number three. Asking others and making t-shirts is also out of the question."

Dr. Aurelius gave him a look that said "That was you?"

"Number four. Waking Haymitch up after 2 hours of him sleeping and telling him he's been sleeping for years is not funny. Especially when you tell him Katniss and Peeta have a baby now and it's his turn to babysit. Katniss and Peeta also do not find it funny."

The doctor just looked at him strangely.

Plutarch continued. "Finnick Odair is not and never was a merman. Even if he does carry a trident and his name starts with Fin. That was number five."

Dr. Aurelius didn't even know what to think on that one.

"Number six. Asking Katniss where all the good closets are will only make her run to one. No one else in the room will laugh either."

"Oh Plutarch!" moaned the doctor. "You can't do things like that to the poor girl!"

"I said I was sorry! And she's pretty full of herself since she wouldn't even tell me where all the good ones were! She thinks she can just have them all to herself!" whined Plutarch.

Dr. Aurelius just massaged his temples. A sure sign of a headache. "Please continue."

"Number seven. Replacing Haymitch's booze with water is just asking for it. Number eight. I am not allowed to be in the arena killing tributes on my own. That is not the Head Gamemaker's job."

"Glad you understand that now Plutarch. You caused quite a ruckus last year." Said the doctor.

"Maybe, but it was fun." said Plutarch.

He looked back down at the notebook and continued reading.

"Number eleven. Giving President Snow a Mockingjay pin for his birthday is punishable by death. I should not do it again next year because last year I got my servant killed."

Dr. Aurelius was honestly at a loss for words.

"Number twelve. Seneca Crane was not a bird. Number thirteen. Trying to work my way into the Katniss, Peeta, and Gale love triangle will not work."

"No it won't. I'm glad you realize that." said the doctor.

"Number 14, I am not allowed to tell people I am a bee from heaven while wearing a bee costume anymore. Even though Heavensbee is my last name, the other Gamemakers did not find it amusing." said Plutarch.

Dr. Aurelius just looked at him.

"Number fifteen, trying to shove Katniss into a punch bowl for revenge will never work if I keep announcing that I'm going to do it."

"Plutarch, for the last time, leave the poor girl alone." said Dr. Aurelius.

"But she's mean!" Plutarch protested.

"Yes I know, but that's just how Katniss is, now please continue." said the doctor.

"Number sixteen, Telling Effie Trinket her hair is looking a little gray is a joke that's lost on her. Number seventeen, Caesar Flickerman's pre-Hunger Games Interviews are for tributes only. I am not allowed to go on stage at that time. Number eighteen, Cinna is not short for cinnamon. Number nineteen, Peeta is not the one choosing who he wants to be with in the love triangle. Gale is not a woman. Ready for the last one?" asked Plutarch.

"Whenever you are." said the doctor.

"Number twenty, Portia is an actual human. Not a woman car named Porsche-a."

Plutarch Heavensbee was probably the strangest man Dr. Aurelius had ever met.

**Author's Note: How'd I do? Is it as funny as the first one? Please review! **


	2. Finnick Odair

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who contributed to this chapter and sorry for the long wait.**

Dr. Aurelius watched as his first patient of the day walked into his office and sat down in the chair next to him. His day had been pretty rough the day before with Plutarch Heavensbee as his last patient of the day.

But he had a good night's sleep so he felt ready to take on anything the psychological world threw at him.

That was, until he saw his next patient. Finnick Odair.

"Hey Dr. A!" said Finnick in his 'I'm cool' voice.

"It's Dr. Aurelius. Did you prepare what you were asked to bring today Finnick?" asked the doctor just wanting to get the appointment over with.

"Yessiree!" said Finnick pulling out a notebook with a list called _Things I Finnick Odair am Not Allowed to do._

Doctor Aurelius sighed. "Please begin."

"Number one. I will not pose in GQ magazine. Mags won't let me." Finnick begins.

"Number two. I am no longer allowed to use Annie's girly shampoo. Mags told me to use the Axe brand shampoo or else I lose Burger King as a sponsor."

The doctor raised his eyebrows.

"Number three. Annie and I are not allowed to get married in Vegas. Number four, I am no longer allowed to strip down to my underwear and douse myself in any condiments for any propos. Even for the Panem bachelor auction." Finnick said.

The doctor opened his mouth to speak but Finnick went right on ahead.

"Number five. The Panem bachelor auction will never happen again after the Anti-Team Gale riots. I realize that this is my fault and I am sorry." He said.

Dr. Aurelius again tried to speak, but was interrupted.

"Number six. I am no longer allowed to dress in a sexy waiter, sexy butler, sexy pirate, sexy mafia don, sexy punk rocker, sexy pimp, sexy anime character, sexy nurse, or any other sexy costume for Halloween. It will only lead me to "Manliness 101 classes taught by Gale."

The doctor tried to hide the fact that he was offended by that considering, he had a tradition of dressing up like the sexy nurse.

"Number seven. I will not give Beetee makeovers. I'm not a stylist and Beetee is starting to fear me. Number eight. "Love Game" by Lady GaGa, "I'm too Sexy" by Right Said Fred, and "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang are banned as my cellphone ringtones."

Just then, Finnick's phone went off playing "I'm too Sexy". Finnick hit the ignore button and went on reading.

"Number nine. I will not strip for money. I'm not Johanna YET. Number ten. Even though I'm having a baby with Annie, it can't be a designer baby that looks like me. Number eleven. I will never eat in a sexy manner again. Prim had to go into therapy after she saw me eat that strawberry."

Dr. Aurelius quickly hid his bowl of strawberries under his desk.

Finnick sat there patiently.

The doctor ran a hand through his hair. "Do you promise never to do these things Finnick?"

"Yes." Finnick said and then ran out of the room.

Doctor Aurelius set the bowl of strawberries back on his desk, and awaited his next appointment.

**AN: PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


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